04.28.99 Good Vibrations' Masturbate-a-thon
May 7 is National Masturbation Day. "ask people you know if they will sponsor you for every minute that you masturbate on May 7th. All the proceeds you collect will be split between four great community HIV- and AIDS-prevention organizations..."

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South to the Future
i finally found the website for STTF. i wrote about their store on 04.13.99, and again on 04.14.99. (i just won't shut up about them.) here's what they say about themselves: "We who live in the Information Age make art about information. South to the Future is art for the Information Age." their store has a separate site.

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featuring a "scrolling display of unsolicited commercial e-mails" accompanied by your choice of classical music. from the good people who brought you the above-mentioned South to the Future. they also sell products online like a bound collection of the 100 best spam messages ever sent ($19.99).

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altavista image search engine
searches for images on the web AND shows you the images as results AND it's really fast. it doesn't feel as extensive as most other search engines, but it makes up for it by the extra weirdness in the results.

a couple examples:
any noun you search for will probably be someone's cat's name.

nothing clears out a room like a little Captain Beefheart.
04.27.99 more on the Van Impes
here's a really good article by Dan Reines in smug on Jack and Rexella Van Impe.

(in case you missed it or haven't read it yet, i babbled on about the Van Impes one column to the right, and one row down. there are redundancies between Dan's article and mine, but they also complement each other somewhat. if you're only going to read one, however, read his.)

also, if you don't already know, smug, is one of very few consistenly funny and interesting magazine-type websites.

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pet cemetary
i was reminded of the pet cemetary when i stumbled onto a similar site called both feature tributes to favorite pets who have died. dog heaven is, of course, just for dogs. i like the pet cemetary better because all pets are welcome and also because dogheaven charges $6.95 to put up a picture of your dog.

oh, and i just found this at the bottom of pet cemetary: a list of virtual pet cemeteries.

okay, this is bumming me out.

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"Party a secret blend of eleven top quality ingredients, properly porportioned and blended in a magical manner."

on the home page there's a really cheesey picture of teenage girls holding Hot Dog on a Stick products; they're all wearing bathing suits and weird red, white and blue band-leader hats. maybe the bathing suits are actually the Hot Dog on a Stick uniform. if they are, that makes this question from the application for employment at Hot Dog on a Stick especially sinister: "The uniform is our special trademark. Describe its appeal and why you are drawn to it".


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World Famous Dancing Hot Dog!
"This Is It! -- The World Famous Dancing Hot Dog!"

Man, what a let-down. i found this thing and thought what with all the hype that it'd be worth a gander. it's really not, except that it's kind of weird. (i thought it'd at least be another dancing hamster rip off.) this hot dog with sunglasses and a new wave haircut moves back and forth while waving its arms around and moving its lips. (it doesn't have any legs.) the funny part is how the copy associated with it treats it like some sort of big deal.

then again, maybe it's some kind of double joke that i don't get.

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okay. last hot dog one for now. this one's the home of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, where they feature lots of fun and friendly hot dog propaganda.

if it had pictures, i'd say to be sure to visit their Glossary of Sausages and Prepared Meats, but it doesn't.

the NHDSC is a subsidiary of the American Meat Institute
hot dog
There are a several variations of the story of the etymology of 'hot dog,' but this one seems the most credible.

In 1901, Thomas Aloysius "Tad" Dorgan, a sports cartoonist for the New York Journal, drew a cartoon about "hot dachsund sausages" sold at baseball games in which he depicted a dachsund inside a bun and labeled it "hot dog." Dorgan is credited with introducing several other phrases to American English, including: baloney, barfly, drugstore cowboy, dumbbell, and flapper.

04.26.99 bigfoot encounters
"Buckeye (Ohio) Bigfoot Sightings in 1998 & 1999 as well as Field Research Notes"

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a band i don't know anything about except that i like the images on this page--cornelius, himself, from Planet of the Apes.

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"all that you need for Indian cooking and more!" very cool. i probably would have loaded up a grocery cart full of $400 worth of chutney, if they had pictures of the products.

i just found the recipe section and got all excited because 'vegetarian' is one of the search parameters, but then realized that the search engine isn't working--you can't click 'go'.

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"Northfield ... the world leader in precision workholding air chucks." this is definitely my favorite workholding air chuck site.
Jack Van Impe Ministries
JVIM's infomercial is the best thing on Sunday night TV. unlike most infomercials, they do a new show every week. and unlike most tv evangelists, they talk almost exclusively about the apocolypse, which is exciting--and soon.

The show features the frail and excitable Rexella. (Which is such a great name.) What doesn'tshe know about the Bible--man oh man. she rocks. actually, what she doesn't know she makes up for by asking lots of questions.

Dr. Jack Van Impe, himself. the star. he's got that classic tv-evangelist head-shell made of hair, plus sunshine in his smile. he's always warning us, but soothing us at the same time. warning and soothing, warning and soothing.

and chuck ohmann. he's a gospel singer with a deep, resonant, highly-trained voice--smooth as anything. his voice really helps fill out the show. i think of him as the glue that binds every episode. i only wish he had a better toupee--a successful man with a beautiful voice deserves a nice toupee.

here's how the shows usually go:

Rexella reports the news that points to end days nearing; she gets us all worked up about a Bible prophecy. Then Jack will sort of talk some sense back into everyone. We'll maybe see some clips from their latest movie--Hollywood-style action/adventure films about armageddon (with like 1/1000th of the budget of the film actually named 'Armageddon'). Chuck does the wrap-up and the sales pitch. So basically, Rexalla poses the questions; Jack talks about the solution; and Chuck tells us how we can learn more--usually by buying a video.

They have a website that's not very interesting, except that i guess you can watch RealPlayer episodes of their show.

"'Christ Returns.' will this be tomorrow's headline?"
i have to remember to start telling people that i have combination skin.