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date : 5:11 pm - Tuesday,August 28, 2001
from : mrp
subject : PANTSMAIL 014: mostly about robots
message:
Hello Citizen,
Prepare yourself. Pantsmail begins now.
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BUSY -or- MR.P. 2 SF: C YA!
I know I haven't written in a while. Do you know why? It's because I've been busy, that's why. I know everyone says that and it's a terrible excuse; who isn't busy in these modern times? Internet business consultants, that's who.
Oh hey, what do you think I've been busy doing?
Guess!
If you guessed, "eating Skittles and sleeping all curled-up like a puppy dog," you're correct!
I will also accept the answer, "looking after the robots at the robot factory in Maine, where I was BIT by a robot with sharp teeth. That robot bite required 15 stitches."
And finally, this too, is correct: "packing all of my silly possessions into flimsy cardboard boxes, which will be loaded by burly men in blue coveralls into a truck with a sign saying, 'L.A. OR BUST!'"
You read that right, Jack. I'm moving to Los Angeles, California, birthplace of the boob job.
I don't have much more to say about moving right now, except that I sure am busy, and also, I'm tired of putting all of my things into cardboard boxes.
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ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS, PART 1:
>Dear Willie,
>
>What will the robot society of the future be like? It is my hope
>that the future robot society will be like the Muppets, and all
>the robots will look like Kermit the Frog or Bert and Ernie.
>
>Sincerely,
>Loopy Lupin in Dallas
Dear Loopy,
You and I share the same hope for the robot society of the future.
I think it would be best if the robots just LOOK like Ernie and don't ACT like Ernie, that rapscallion, that irrepressible prankster, that loveable wag, that convicted check-forger. Ernie robots would constantly bother Bert robots, waking them up in the middle of the night with inane questions, interrupting the Bert robots with nonsensical tasks while the Bert robots attempt to compose poetry about robotic pigeon machines.
Excellent question.
Regards,
-mrp
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ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS, PART 2:
>Dear Lars,
>
>Will I be able to find employment in the robot society
>of the future? What about love?
>
>Sincerely,
>Greggus
Dear Greggus,
A lot of citizens of our world have asked that question. Will there be a place for love and gainful employment in the robot society of the future? Will the two become one and the same? Will we all become love slaves to our robot masters in the coming robot society? Experts say, "probably."
Robots need love. Humans need work. Robots eat electricity and cakes made out of dirt. It's only natural that humans will find themselves preparing dirt cake meals for robots and administering erotic massages to them.
Regards,
-mrp
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ADVERTISEMENT
Don't get left behind! Prepare yourself now for the robot society of the future. Sign up today for a Robot Massage course, and a special three-day seminar, Coping with Robots that Bite.
Send for a free catalog:
Mister Pants, Los Angeles, California 90036
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FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS OF AN ARTICLE (ABOUT ROBOTS) FROM A RECENT NEW YORK TIMES
Are you a robot? Probably not. But in a few years you may be answering that question differently, if one man has his way. While others have been preparing for the robotic world of the future by building bunkers and hiding under piles of clothing, Mister Pants has been fine-tuning his techniques for turning humans into robots.
"I used to work for the military, training monkeys for rudimentary tasks. One day I was outfitting one for a mechanized battle suit and I thought, 'hey, why not do this with humans?' and then I thought, 'why not take it one step further, and actually turn the humans into robots?'"
...
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Don't forget about the Mister Pants Internet weblog log Web page homepage Website on the Internet Web:
http://www.misterpants.com/01/
Which won't be updated probably for another couple weeks, at which time, I'll be safe and sound, all hunkered down in LA, breathing in the smog, wearing sunglasses indoors, and probably winning a grandfather clock on The Price is Right.
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Love ya babe, don't ever change, muh!
-mrp
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