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date : 10:23 am - Tuesday,October 3, 2000
from : mrp
subject : PANTSMAIL 001: the message i write even though i should be doing other stuff
message:
Hello Early Adopters,
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WELCOME MESSAGE [001]
Welcome to Pantsmail. Thanks for joining. It's been up for about a day and already over 40 people have signed up. You're one of the 40 or else you're some creep reading through the archives, but in either case--congratulations to you! For being an early adopter or a creep. Or both.
Anyway, I want to send out an extra good pantsmail to you for joining so soon, but really there's no way that's going to happen.
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BONUS LINK [001]
By the way, that [001] doesn't mean anything--kind of it refers to the message number, but mostly I just like how it looks there.
http://art.berkeley.edu/cu/grid.html
A bunch of abstract films by Berkeley students (available as Quicktime movies). Pretty colors and sounds, which i kind of enjoy just for that, but not like super great movies that you'd feel bad for not seeing. Also the films have critiques of them written by other students. Mostly i liked them for the aforementioned colors and sounds. I'm simple like that.
[link courtesy of Chisato--http://www.chisa.org]
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LEFTOVER [001]
[here's something i wrote a while ago and never posted to misterpants, the website, for some reason. it was probably for the japan column back when there was a japan column.]
hey, i've seen the Aibo robot dog, okay? and it's fun for five minutes and that's pretty much it. so save your $2000.
also i saw a fuzzy robot cat. same deal.
and i saw a robot seal. the robot seal is the weirdest robot pet. also boring after a few minutes.
fad.
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CONCERNS: A LIST OF CONCERNS [001]
I smell gasoline.
I'm going to LA on Wednesday and I have way too much to do before I head down there and instead of doing it, I'm wasting my time writing this pantsmail.
Also, Pantsmail is a really stupid name. And I've had to use it like 10 times already in this email and it bothers me. So annoying. Should have thought about it first. Duh.
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CIRCULATORY SYSTEM SPAM [001]
Now it's time for me to write something that totally looks like junk mail except that it includes references to parts of the circulatory system. Makes no sense.
Dear Leukocytes,
HOW TO INCREASE BLOODSTREAM CAPACITY SUBSTANTIALLY:
Accept blood vessels right now!!!!
Act now and all Capillary Conversion fees are waived!!!!
As a bonus, Red Blood Cells will increase your oxygen-rich blood by an incredible 200% to 1000%. So you can Stop exhaling valuable carbon dioxide!
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FREAKY [001]
A while back, misterpants.com linked to sneeze fetishists' x-files fan fiction. And just last week, Apathy (http://www.electrobacon.com/apathy) linked to HICCUP fetishits' x-files fan fiction. (Apathy has updated and doesn't have the hiccup link anymore or archives, really, I guess.)
Here's what's freaky:
a) hiccup lovers exist.
b) sneeze lovers exist.
c) both hiccup and sneeze lovers exist.
d) both of them write x-files fan fiction.
Freaky.
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THE LOUD NO-SOUND SPEAKERS STORY [001]
I had to get up early last week to take the cat to the vet and there were these two guys in my neighborhood playing a car stereo really loudly, but it was weird because there was no music coming out, just a really loud speaker fuzz sound. There was a beat but all you could hear was overmodulation. It was so weird, like they were playing a CD that just flexes the speakers without music.
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IN CLOSING [001]
Thanks for subscribing. Probably I'll send a better pantsmail next time. Right now, as mentioned, I'm way busy and shouldn't even be writing this at all. Bless you for subscribing. You're all little lambs.
Later,
-mrp
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