new, insulting way to end a phone call
i just thought of this new insulting way to end a phone call:

"Gotta go. Frasier's on."
05.06.02 No Type: McDonald's flexidisc remixes
"It takes a nation of Hamburglar's to hold us back"

Large order of audio collage with extra pickles, extra lettuce, extra special sauce, and extra ironic juxtaposition. Oh, and a small Coke.

Void where prohibited. Offer good for a limited time only. While supplies last. Get them before the cease-and-desist order.

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This site has several enjoyable amusements, most of them small and manageable, so do go and visit.

it's like opening a kitchen cabinet with some toys in it and then playing with them and then putting them away and closing the cabinet and going back to work, drawing faces on apples. (For this example, that's your job, drawing faces on apples.)

if and/or when you visit, i recommend clicking the following: untitled, nonlinear theater, redtrain, found photo gallery, and cam-man. (i would hyperlink right to them, but they need a certain window size and it's too fancy for me to do right now.)

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really funny write-up of the 100 most-dysfunctional celebrities.

(it's on tripod, so expect lots of bandwidth-overload problems. if that happens to you, here are the google-cached versions of the pages. with google, you don't get to see any of the pictures, though. so that's a bummer. still, the writing's fun: intro, 90-81, 80-71, 70-61, 60-51, 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11, 10-6, 5-2, 1.)

[via We still really like, even as we wait and wait for a new issue.]

05.03.02 girls are pretty
is your stomach hungry for funny? good, because this site will fill it up, way up, way way up filled up with funny.

it does this by telling you what to do every day. so stop listening to the voices and start listening instead to a stranger on the internet.

[this is via tremble which you slugabeds should all be reading regularly. i haven't been assigning it, but it's listed quite clearly on the course syllabus--so, no excuses.]

05.02.02 Crystie's pig pictures
from PigPals.

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valentines performing pigs
check out Nellie in front of all her awards. That's some pig. And here's video of performing pigs in action.

Oh man, scroll down to see a pig in a stroller made of wicker.

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Little Lynzie - Alligator Alligator
definitely worth a look. and also worth a listen. The song, "Alligator Alligator," takes you on a boogie-woogie romp through the swamp, and "Dear Any Service Member USA" is a touching tribute to the service men and women of Operation Desert Storm.

Like Little Lynzie, I still love rock and roll.

[Thanks, Bryan.]

04.30.02 christ clown
jesus christ, the clown of clowns. scroll down. scroll down for the christ clown.

[thanks, Jon.]

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some interesting things about Anson Williams (Potsie)
  • he is related to the man who invented the Heimlich Maneuver
  • his dad ran an Orange Julius stand on Van Nuys Boulevard
  • he appeared on "The Paul Lynde Show"
  • in 1977, he starred in a syndicated TV special, "Anson Williams at Sea World"
  • he's married to the woman who played his girlfriend on Happy Days

one line from the babelfish translation of an Suzi Quatro interview from an Italian Happy Days fan site
"Leather [Tuscadero] was a lot more than the controparte to the feminine one of Fonzie. They were balanced to vicissitude."
04.29.02 2 many djs
dj mix album of those bootleg remix musical hybrid songs that are all the rage. but these guys did it legally, and even provided track by track commentary on the process of securing the rights.

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bluto/brutus: an explanation

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radio piece on Temple Grandin, the autistic animal behavior expert
She redesigned the modern-day slaughterhouse, to slaughter beef more humanely. Totally fascinating. you can read it or listen to it in realaudio.

And here's a photo of NPR correspondent Daniel Zwerdling in Grandin's squeezing machine, a device she designed to help her relax and "have nicer dreams" after seeing cattle in a similar device. It's now used therapeutically to help others with autism relax. Check out this diagram of the squeezing machine so you can build your own.

Oh, and here's a NY Times Magazine article on the beef industry that also briefly mentions Grandin.

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More from Temple Grandin. She has all sorts of information available here, like cattle flight zone and captive bolt stunning. For "stunning," read "killing." It's all really interesting and I'm not even planning to redesign my slaughterhouse.

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Wimpy's cow
Weird cartoon. Here's where we tie together the Popeye info with the slaughterhouse material.

04.26.02 The Boehmer Family Jugglers's photo album
these are my 3 favorite photos:
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Viva Knievel!

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kidshow flyer
from janfusun fancyworld, an amusement park in taiwan.

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Fantasy Farm photo gallery
Fantasy Farm was an amusement park in Ohio with a history that i found intriguing. (If you have a moment, the timeline bitterly spelled out by Edgar Streifthau, is worth reading.) It was in operation from 1963 until 1991, and then it was auctioned piece by piece to the highest bidder.

Today we're concerning ourselves with the Fantasy Farm photo gallery, to which people have generously donated their snapshots of Fantasy Farm.

best photos:
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big picture of neat technical looking thing in the desert
this is the machine that has been reading your mind and then replacing your good thoughts with evil thoughts.

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three entrepeneurs
don't you want to smack these guys?

"well, we're moving forward on third generation systems to manage the distribution infrastructure changes at the 'last-mile' bottleneck--"


04.24.02 Typecasting
Reviews of movies based on the accuracy of their use of period typography.

[Thanks, Tricia.]

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The Kramer & Company Magical Experience
They debuted in 1980, thrilled audiences at the Americana Amusement Park throughout 1981, but in 1982 Kramer & Co. were replaced by the Bumper Buggy ride.

Also--midway dreams ripped at the seams, but, oh, those midway nights.

i had to go buy lettuce yesterday because Jimmie Smits told me in a dream that i need to eat more salad.

unfortunately, i am serious.

04.22.02 lamination ritual
"The Eryk Salvaggio Museum of Modern Living. ~ presents ~ "Lamination Ritual" a collection of found objects ~ sealed in plastic by ~ Ken Montgomery in his own tradition of thirteen years ~ in the spirit of ~ Transformation of the Mundane into the Realms of the Preserved and Extraordinary ~ found ~ herein ~ with an interview ~ also."

awesome. laminating found objects is awesome.

oh, and here's more on Ken Montgomery's lamination, including an incomplete laminography.

[via sharpeworld, where i'm still guest-editing for a little while longer, by the way.]

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GOES Hot Stuff
Beautiful and exciting movies and still images of weather. It's kind of like weather's greatest hits--from the Geostationary Operational Environmental Satellites (GOES), curated by Dennis Chesters.

Weather is tough but gorgeous. So you had better watch yourself around weather. Don't get lulled into letting your guard down by how beautiful it is, because right then is when it will whoop you. It's a known fact that weather can and will kick your ass.

By the way, I want to learn to move like a cloud.
nothing happened.

yes, nothing happened again.
Dear Sad Sailor ("Popeye"),
Oh brother! You think you've got problems?! Well, at least your nickname isn't already an insult, like a *certain* nickname I could mention. ;)

You should be thankful that people don't think of you as, "the fat guy who likes hamburgers and always borrows money," because that's how everyone thinks of me.

So don't feel so bad about your squinty eye. Hardly anyone ever even notices or talks about it. Seriously! When people think of you, what comes to mind is how strong you are and how much you like spinach. That's a pretty great way to be known, if you ask me!

Anyway, cheer up! And I wanted to let you know that I'd totally be into the nickname brainstorming session. My schedule is pretty much open.

Hang in there!
04.19.02 london weekend television
lots of great clips of London Weekend Television shows in realplayer format.

okay, here we go.

Cilla Black's Christmas (1983). wow, if you only watch one of these, watch this one. Cilla sings a Lionel Richie song while sweater-clad children sloooowly pop-n-lock around her house. She sings to them about an all-night party and then shows them the door. Merry Christmas.

oh, also, what is wrong with that kid in the green pants? that kid freaks me out.

whoops apocalypse (1982). this clip gets thumbs up--way up--for the great satire of american media. hey Britain, way to mock! but thumbs down for the cruddy american accents. gawsh, they'rrre terrrrible.

the professionals (1977). cool, funky, wicka-wicka 1970s cop show guitar. if you closed your eyes, you'd swear this show was american, but then if you opened them to see their hairstyles, you might suspect that it's not the USA at all.

mind your language (1977). mainly just for the song.

surprise surprise (1980s). More Cilla. Cilla, you aren't a superstar. You're super-duper-duper-star.

Chorlton and the Wheelies (1976). good song and nice stop-motion animation.

the goodies (1981). whacked-out sketch comedy. i need to see this show sometime i think.

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larry king's mugshot
enough with the larry king already.


Dear Olive, Bluto (Brutus), Sweet Pea, Wimpy, Jeep, Goon, everyone,
I'm writing to ask you all to consider giving me a new nickname.

It's true that I have one healthy eye and one squinty eye. And that my squinty eye makes my healthy eye appear to "pop" out of my head. It's true. I realize that. But I don't need to be reminded of my unhealthy eye every single time someone addresses me.

Think about how that would make you feel if it was you.

a sad sailor ("Popeye")

P.S. If anyone wants to get together to brainstorm about new nickname ideas, let me know!
04.18.02 sharpeworld pirate radio broadcast
so good! please enjoy it on the internet in realaudio format. also available to citizens of new york city at 10 pm Sunday evening (and yesterday evening, if you can time travel, i guess) at 99.9 FM.

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slumbering lungfish
new funny weblog from Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg whom you may recognize from his appearances as Detective Otis Briggs on Cagney and Lacey, as well as his work on brunching shuttlecocks.

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el chapulin colorado
what do you see? its only me--the slapstick bee from mexican tv.

[via excitementmachine.]

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spit spreads germs
"Do you think spit is gross? Well I do! I think spit is gross, and I think the people who spit don't know it's gross. They don't know that it's gross and that it spreads germs...."

also, angelkitten. and cat pants.

"dance like Larry King" revision
if you search google for the phrase "dance like Larry King" and one other site are the only two websites that come up. but there are one or two others that should show up in google in a day or two.

here are more ways you can _____ like Larry King:

  • feel like Larry King
  • act like Larry King
  • talk like Larry King
  • etc.

  • 04.16.02 jackalopes

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    comedy machine
    although it's admittedly inefficient, this mechanized humor delivery system is truly a marvel of modern technology.

    [thanks, Chisato.]

    "dance like Larry King"
    if you search google for the phrase "dance like Larry King" is the only website that comes up. Well, not yet. But in a day or two.