08.10.01 free moose photos
here they are, the free moose photos.

out of town
I'm going out of town to check on my robots at my robot factory in Maine. If the robots are behaving, I should be back in a week.

If they're misbehaving, however, it'll be on the news.

So, if you hear reports of a robot tragedy in Maine, then I'm surely dead and you yourself should barricade your doors and windows. Also hoard water. And don't make a sound. Wrap your head in foil, to stop the radio waves. Ideally, you should crouch in a corner somewhere; make yourself very small. And wait there until help arrives.

Okay, see you in a week, hopefully.
08.05.01 the sounds of scientology
deprogrammers should play these tracks to cult members to break them out of their stupor.

[thanks, Scout.]

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old Puffy video screen captures

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Legends of the Superheroes
live action Superfriends, 1978

also, here are the faces behind the voices of the Superfriends.

oh, and here's the flash which includes this picture of Mark Hammill, as the Trixter. Looking good.

and i would also like you to say hello to Shazam and Isis!

08.03.01 donwest.org
After eight years, the king of the knife and sports collectible hard-sell has left the Shop At Home network, and a nation mourns. In this time of darkness, there is a shining beacon of light, donwest.org, a long-overdue tribute site, where more than 450 mp3s of Don's words of wisdom can be downloaded and incorporated into your shuffleplay day.

For more on Don leaving Shop At Home, check out this article --third story down.

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George Clooney on The Facts of Life

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bargain beard
"bargain beard" is my new favorite insult.

Get outta here, you and your bargain beard.

Look at your sorry ass bargain beard.

The only problem with it as an insult is that it only works with bearded persons.

also, same site: nice prosthetics, which that happens to be my new favorite compliment:

Heyyyy, nice prosthetics.

bonus, link because i like you (A LOT!): peter rabbit costume.

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Bobby Conn
Chicago's "bravest little man," a popstar antichrist with a surefire recipe for success and personal enrichment: the Continuous Cashflow $ystem. Neat.

here you can download an mp2 of his song, California. And here's another one from his debut album. And here's yet another one, Baby Man.

more on Bobby, from Thrilljockey which also has some great pictures of him. He's freaky, good freaky.

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house hippo quicktime movie
funny funny from Canadiadiadian director Tim Hamilton.Hamilton also directed the half-decent, half-awful Steve Martin-produced mid-season replacement, Downer Channel, for NBC.

Here's some other movie clips of Hamilton's stuff. All funny (and Canadian!):

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Evany's anecdote archive
i've linked to this before, but there's a great new (er, new-ish) anecdote from June 19th.

What's better than a Las Vegas wedding with monkeys? A Las Vegas wedding with monkeys where the maid of honor gets to change the monkeys' diapers.

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"Yankee Dan" Rice
how awesome: uncle sam, the clown.

from my half-assed research, it seems like there are conflicting stories, but one story is that Yankee Dan, the shakespeare-quoting clown was the inspiration for the character that we now know as Uncle Sam.

"His untraditional costume consisted of red, white, and blue-stripedtights, a star-spangled cloak, a top hat and chin whiskers, the regalia that would later be associated with 'Uncle Sam.'"

Also, he was a "cracker-barrel philosopher," which elates me.

Rice was friends with my own close personal friend, Abraham Lincoln, as well as my nemesis, Jefferson Davis.

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a little more Dan Rice
and a bonus link: clowns i have personally known

another bonus. you can't have too many bonuses, unless they're negative bonuses, like a bonus kick in the shins: handling an obnoxious child:

"...get close enough to the obnoxious child that you can speak to him/or her privately, and said something like, "try to pull my nose off again, kid, and I'll pull yours off."..."

also, here's "clown" in ascii:

:o{ )

08.02.01 Dollars for Oprah
grassroots Oprah for president campaign.

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quality pet visor caps
"Make your pet feel stylish and sophisticated with Quality Pet Visor Caps by Fonzie's Fantasies"

that's right, even Fonzie, Mr. Cool himself, has fantasies. And his fantasies mostly involve dressing up animals in stylish and sophisticated caps.

[Thanks, Sarah]

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gifts from the heart, awarded to Oprah

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good diary entry
"Sir, We would like to request that our funk be made the P-funk...."

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google image search for priapus
Priapus, Roman fertility god, marked by his large and erect phallus. Also Mike Patterson. Congratulations, Mike.

09.19.01 The Music of Senator Orrin Hatch

[thanks José & Matisse]

like grave rubbings, but they're desk rubbings.
remember how i said i was going to start wearing 5 upside down visors at the same time? well, here's the twist: all 5 will be arranged around my head like the petals of a flower.

if you're in san francisco, look out! because here comes the daisy head man.

also, if you're in san francisco and you're a bee, don't try to collect pollen from my stamen because i'm not really a daisy--i'm just the daisy head man.

i wrote this haiku last week.

san francisco fog
should i wear long johns today?
it's july 19th.
07.20.01 plug list
Your favorite plug type says a lot about your personality. People who like 13A 3-Pin Plug tend to be very practical. Fans of the 2-Blade Polarized Plug are usually aloof.

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transcript of Space Ghost interviewing Bob Odenkirk and David Cross
an excerpt:

Bob: I, David was a class clown, I used to just laugh at him.

David: But I was literally a clown, I used to come in to school with the grease paint, the wig, and the floppy shoes, and a (makes "horn honk" hand gesture & sound).

Bob: A sad clown.

David: Yeah, sad, and I would go (sad voice) "Did somebody order a clown?"

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brunching shuttlecocks rate crackers
All five of these are funny in a way that made me laugh.

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This website is about how to glue one thing to another thing. Glue advice. Nothing more. Nothing less. Beautiful.

Before the Internet, there was a person who had to sit around all day and give glue advice. And now that person is out of a job--thanks A LOT internet.

[Molly, grazie.]

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C.C. Banana meets C.C. DeVille
the photo documenting the moment when DeVille meets Banana is too wonderful.

[via metascene.]
more upside down backwards visor stuff
further proof of how terribly un-hip i am follows.

here's much more (way way too much more) on upside down backwards visors.

the pants editorial desk received lots of good reports about this.

so far we have the following documented sightings:

it's weird that in the above entries and anecdotes, it's referred to as a fashion that relates one to a certain peer group. but which group that is depends on where (or when?) the report is coming from--so sometimes the people who wear them are "ravers" and othertimes, it's called a "punk" look, or a "white trash" look, or even a "frat boy" thing. also, basketball players, football players and wrestlers wear them.

also weird that there aren't any reports of sightings in san francisco. i guess i'll be the only one. and i'll be wearin like 5 at the same time. that'll be my thing.

Still need more data. someone call Faith Popcorn for me. er, actually i'm thinking i should just shut up about this now.

[thanks to the following for their contributions: Owls McGee, Michael, and Marc, and especially Mr. Card House for digging up some of those articles.]

07.18.01 mandalas
These are great--mandalas drawn by the 5th grade classes at Pocantico Hills School. They totally rule.

They're all really excellent. If I had to narrow them down to a dozen to spotlight right here, I would point out the following: also i especially love the description of Nicole's sun mandala: "...Under the knifes are baby worms when you step on them they turn into evil gigantic worms that bite you. The stars symbolizes the universe then under that is the sun that is suppose to burn you and make you blind. Under that is blood that eats you up then safety in the middle." [thanks Joel!]

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DoN Nichols' concertinas
please look at this page--mostly to see DoN, himself (aka "The Perpetrator") with his concertina.

elsewhere i found this ascii accordian:


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NY Times: undercover marketing
people as living advertisements. yay, creepy.

[Thanks Steve!]

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Stumpf fiddle photos From Sheboygan, Wisconsin; named after a mythical peg leg Harry Stumpf; also known as a boomba, boombass and a Teufel Stick--ladies and gentlemen we present to you, The Stumpf Fiddle.

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Welcome to the Electronic Home of Wendinger Band & Travel, Inc.
featuring Peter and Paul Wendinger of New Ulm, Minnesota. Here are all of their albums.

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24-7 streaming internet polka radio that i cannot vouch for because i haven't listened to it, although i like the concept.

see also: itspolkatime.com

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saint joseph's concertina club
The concertina is not an accordian.

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northside dutchmen band
featuring Eddie Palmer on lead concertina.

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afro ken
word is this is what's big in japan at the moment: afro ken, the dog with rainbow afro. seriously.

To simulate what it probably feels like to be in Japan right now, in the midst of Afro Ken madness, click every one of the following: [thanks much, Leslie.]

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Chicken Soup for the soul and selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors for your synaptic receptors
co-branding at it's best.

"We know these people are socially anxious; that's why they're visiting panicattack.com. We can take advantage of that anxiety to sell them this cheesy, over-rated self-help book."

[thanks Peter]

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Boss Hogg, thespian
about half-way down, it says this:

"...Senator Cottonmouth... would later delight audiences as the bumbling, corrupt Boss Hogg in the television series The Dukes of Hazzard.

'There was this young kid, Sorrell Booke ['49], who'd never been on the damn stage before,' Mr. Costikyan remembered. "But he was fantastic."

No one bothered to formally script the show's second act. 'Why the hell write it?' asked Mr. Costikyan. 'It was already done. We were all playing to Sorrell, who was just making it up as he went along.'"

[thanks, Kat. Kat wants you to vote for her nice shoes.]

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tree full of monkeys gif

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He's pink. He's pot-bellied. He's an action-adventure hero... and a dancin' fool. He's Shigeo.

Here's more of shigeo in action.

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Study for Philip Morris found that smokers' early deaths actually help the Czech economy
I need to start commissioning studies, too.

A new study has found that when Mister Pants does bad things, that those things actually always turn out to be good things. The study was funded by a generous grant from the Mister Pants Institute.

Another, which was made possible by the Mister Pants Charitable Trust, found that buying a nice meal for Mister Pants will significantly increase your chance of having an enjoyable dining experience.

[from Steev via KPFA]

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neat pixelly flash machines in motohiro world, whatever that is.

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la petite prince museum giftshop
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry must be looking down from heaven nothingness and smiling doing nothing.

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don't forget to get your frogans, the new nonsensical internet "layer." It's the great new internet scam for people who are susceptible to them. It's so exciting and revolutionary that even the people responsible for it are unable to coherently explain what it is or what its benefits might be.

And the frogans press release is the perfect for lazy publications that enjoy reprinting any press release that they're handed, no matter how dubious or bizarre.

i like this: bob's frogans. what?

Here's some information about frogans from the site:

"What does 'frogans' mean?
We jumped at the name because it's short and easy to pronounce in many languages, making it unforgetable. In Gaelic however, 'frogan' means 'liveliness, a slight degree of drunkenness'."

Drunkenness. Of course.

some defininitions:

The act of developing and putting frogans on-line."


frogans* company
The Frogans layer's equivalent of the Web's "dot com company". Pronounced 'frogans star company'; can be shortened to "star" as in, "you're a star!".


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japanese poster art, called "the bible"
not sure why it's called "the bible." it's from robot.co.jp which is full of amazing stuff.
upside-down backwards tennis visors
i'm a little out of it, so maybe this has been going on for a while, but what exactly is this about?

I was in O'Hare airport in Chicago and I saw 3 different teenage boys wearing upside down backwards visors. It kind of looks like they're trying to catch something with this scoop on the back of their heads--like it's part of some weird game. (Fashion IS a weird game, isn't it?)

Anyway, does this trend have a pop star antecedent that I don't know anything about (because I don't have the MTV)? Or is it something far more sinister? (ha, never mind that. i already know that it is.)

i'm excited to climb aboard the upside-down backwards tennis visor wearing bandwagon, but i think i need a little more information first. if i just jump right onto it, i could later find out that it's something that neo-nazis wear to say to other neo-nazis, "Hey look at me! I'm a neo-nazi too! We can be friends!" which isn't something i want to accidentally say via my choice of headgear.

07.11.01 Cooter's Place in Space
not cyberspace, mind you, but space.

"Yes, I know that I was on the show, but I'm also its biggest fan."

Anyway, Cooter seems happy. Good for Cooter. Seriously.

Also, "All events at Cooter's are free of charge. ...There is no charge to view the Generals or meet any actors that are present."

That policy rules, Cooter. I have a lot of respect for that. No wonder Cooter's Place gets so many visitors.

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North American General Lee Fanclub
is there a South or Central American General Lee Fanclub? a Southeast Asian General Lee Fanclub?

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Dukes of Hazzard reunion II pictures

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J.D. Hogg "Boss Hogg" picture palace

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looking for great gift ideas for that special someone in your life? well, where else would you go but miscegenation.com?

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calliope clowning magazine
"The New Calliope is the bi-monthly Clowns of America International magazine."

here are the winners of Calliope's clown makeup competition: also, i would like to direct your attention to their "find a clown" service.

and the "clown mall."

and the "alleys" section, where they showcase the dark alleys in which clowns are known to congregate. avoid these alleys.

[another good one, via cardhouse]

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world safety clown guild
A little-known organization within the United Nations, the World Safety Clown Guild is the ONLY organization dedicated to promoting positive attitudes that encourage safety minded behavior via the medium of clowning.

Also, keep your eyes peeled for The Safety Clown in his Safetyclownmobile. Maybe someday we'll find his secret underground lair.

tip for making fake boogers
Use rubber cement!

[via marthastewart.com]