scenes from Pearl
the Montessori Community School in Durham, North Carolina staged this play and it just looks totally amazing.
One of my favorite scenes is this one, with the octopus.
They also put on Harlequin, (a musical?) which also looks great. There is no way that Andrew Lloyd Weber has done or will ever do anything with one-tenth the panache of Harlequin.
"Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) On Asphalt and Its Uses"
i should warn you that a lot of the material in the above FAQ is of an extremely adult nature. Don't click that link if you're at work or if you're easily offended.
|more on sesame street
"i hadn't yet seen ths pfizer sponsorship thing on sesame st yet - thanks for bringing it to my attention. my son has just started to watch sesame st, and the thing that freaked me out was that in "elmo's world", that now takes the last 10 minutes of every show, elmo shouts "you've got mail" - or his computer does (now i cant remember) and then the whole things is sponsored by AOL...."
also, Christopher points us to this article from salon about sesame street and AOL.
Elsewhere, Dystopos also found these:
"Sesame Workshop Online has worked with the world's largest companies to create customized marketing vehicles that offer an exclusive message to our families....we have given these clients an opportunity to extend their branding message and engage in a deeper online relationship with our families."
Please note the use of the possessive "our." Families don't just watch Sesame Street; apparently Sesame Street owns them.
jacking some diesel
If you don't know what I'm talking about when i say "jacking some diesel," jump down here to see the quiz. Then, after you've checked, click here for the answer.
|4th of july
i always forget about holidays, but this one i remember because everyone around me is lighting off illegal chinese fireworks in tribute to america's independence from the english crown. i can't decide if that action is ironic or not. but mostly i don't care.
anyway, this is the perfect holiday for america, because america is about gunpowder; america is about blowing things up; america is about getting a day off from work; america is about drinking beer. USA! high fives all around!
cowboyforpresident.com: the cowboy code
cowboyforpresident.com...well, whatever. i mean, if that president guy is really a cowboy, then apparently being a cowboy isn't such a great thing. but probably he's NOT a real cowboy because he's not obeying this here cowboy code.
j-pop family tree
i know almost none of these bands, but the tree itself is exquisite--just the amount of time and care that went into making it.
Also the band names are (of course) very striking and wonderful.
It's from the techno-electro-synth pop academy which has an enormous encyclopedia of techno-electro-synth pop bands, organized by country of origin. It's truly amazing. To me, it's amazing, anyway.
|jacking some diesel
i was at a barbecue this weekend where a guy was talking about "jacking some diesel." i didn't know what "jacking some diesel" might mean, so i asked him.
What do you think it means? Here's a quiz.
"jacking some diesel" refers to....
a) taking a drug,
b) a synth-pop band,
c) stealing from the Diesel store,
d) having sex with an older person,
e) hotwiring a truck
i'll answer it tomorrow--that is unless i get involved with "jacking some diesel" myself, in which case, maybe the day after tomorrow.
|nasty thing that could happen
you could be wearing shorts. and then you could cut your leg. and then, so as not to get blood on your shorts or your chair, you could put tissues on the cut. then you could forget about them. then later you could be somewhere and the bloody tissues could fall out of your shorts.
and that would be nasty!
|06.30.01||Coca-Karma: The Very Secret Battle of Bob Kolody vs. Coca-Cola
read this. it will take a long time, but it is so worth it.
It involves issues of copyright, corrupt Chicago judges, Coca-Cola branding, Coca-Cola strategy, the CIA, the American legal system, corporate control of the media, and much, much more.
The only thing that prevents this from being the greatest movie not yet filmed (at least, in terms of the rules of hollywood blockbusters) is that it doesn't have a good, central female character (aside from the judge)--so it would be difficult for the studio to cram a love story into it, and also difficult to put some cleavage on the poster promoting the film. Difficult, but of course, not impossible. So, hey there, Hollywood, have at it!
[via cardhouse. Cardhouse is good.]
Joan Gieson- Ministries of Love
something about this... something... not sure what. maybe you know. i don't know. something here though.
before i say anything else, let me say that it's great that she helps homeless people. that's a good thing to do.
i was going to take issue with her statement that, "She is a powerful woman truly anointed by God." but then i looked up the word, anoint and i see that it means "to smear or rub with oil or an oily substance" and i can't argue with that at all. who's to say whether the oily substance of god has been smeared on her? certainly, not i. then i see that another definition is "to choose by or as if by divine election" and i guess i have more of a problem with that idea.
Hey do you think George W. Bush thinks that he was anointed president? Wouldn't that be great if everyone started talking about his presidency in terms of him being "anointed." I mean, in a way, this second Bush presidency is all about America and the world is being smeared by an oily substance. George W. Bush is an oily substance. But also, we're having the the entire oil industry smeared on us, aren't we?
in other news... i'm intrigued by this Katherine Kuhlman video from 1973.
the file name of that video is unfortunate and makes me wonder if someone working on Joan Gieson's site doesn't like Katherine Kuhlman as much as Joan does.
|brought to you by the letter, Z
I caught the tail end of Sesame Street the other morning. And immediately after the credits, the screen went white and a 3-D animated child's block bounced into the frame. All cute. It was a friendly, hopping, playful, little block. And on the block was a zebra, and the letter, Z.
The block bounced around for a second and then stopped right in front of us on the screen, with the Z facing us. Then the voiceover said, "Pfizer is brought to you by the letter Z. And of course, Zithromax!"
Which of course, reminds us of how Sesame Street might be brought to us by the letter Z.
And when I was a kid, I remember that Sesame Street was able to be brought to us just by letters and numerals. And an entire generation of American kids became more comfortable with letters and numbers because those letters and numbers were "sponsoring" Sesame Street.
So, in the same way that a company might make viewers comfortable with itself or its products by sponsoring entertainment, the creators of Sesame Street made us comfortable with letters and numbers by having them sponsor their educational entertainment.
But now Sesame Street can no longer just be brought to us by the letter Z and the numeral 6. It needs a pharmaceutical company to bring it to us.
And in the same way that earlier generations of Sesame Street watchers grew more comfortable with letters and numerals, a new generation of viewers will become comfortable with pharmaceuticals.
Here's a conversation that I imagine between some 25-year-olds twenty years from now: "oh Pfizer, yeah, cool, remember how they used to sponsor Sesame Street when we were kids." And in their minds, maybe they're thinking that if they want to be happy the way they were when they were kids, one way to go back and experience that happiness is through a Pfizer product.
Seems pretty reasonable though.
Anyway, I don't mean to get all serious and goth on you or anything, but I saw that. And I was thinking about it. And it seemed pretty sad.
Maybe we should all donate money to our public television and radio stations. It always seems that other good work needs our money more, but maybe public TV needs it pretty badly.
some nice chihuahua photos
the borders around them make them look like chihuahua stickers. which, wouldn't that be awesome to have chihuahua stickers?
oh, definitely check out page 6 of the photos, where Miss Penelope Pitstop Chihuahua (in her yellow sun dress and bonnet) pauses during a race to pose for a photo in her jalopy. oh wait, the photo under the dog says it's male. so...maybe.. a pimp? a little pimp doggy? or a hollywood stereotype of one, anyway.
nadia vs atlantis
nadia vs atlantis
(warning: the 2nd one has annoying pop-ups)
Disney cartoonists (probably--almost certainly) stole a bunch of stuff from a Japanese cartoon. That's kind of interesting, but not even a new story. I mean, everyone knows they already did that with The Lion King. So, come on, Disney--at least show some creativity with your plagiarism.
Oh, but here's my favorite thing about this: the 2 websites above that are reporting this are also stealing ideas and images from each other! it's deep. (So deep in fact, that we maybe don't even touch bottom until we dive down into the depths of storytelling to the very first story ever.)
[what would be great would be if i could then extend it further--so that, the misterpants link to a website plagiarizing another website about a disney cartoon plagiarizing another cartoon WAS ITSELF STOLEN FROM ANOTHER WEBLOG (which has a pretty good webcam right now, by the way).]
little stone cold porcelain doll
The idea is a natural. Stone Cold Steve Austin starts with "stone" and "cold." What's something else cold and made of stone? Porcelain. Right, what do we make out of porcelain? Plates. What else? Dolls. That's right.
So how should we pay tribute to the outlaw idol, Stone Cold Steve Austin?
With "...the first all-porcelain collector doll officially authorized by the World Wrestling Federation®. One look into his "cold" blue-eyes tells you this pint-sized fan has mastered the trademark "Attitude" of his outlaw idol."
[Stone Cold Andrew Springsteen, thank you.]
when god (or whatever) was handing out "cute," all the animals formed a huge line. Fennec fox was planning to be there early to get a good place in line, but he got caught in traffic and was totally running late. He was bummed out because he ended up at the very tail end of the line. But, he figured, whatever, i just won't be cute, i guess. Could be worse.
However, it worked out alright for fennec fox. As it turned out, mosquitoes, houseflies and a few others, had completely forgotten that the cute-distribution was taking place that day. They had neglected to put it in their day planners. So they were just buzzing around their apartments, wondering where everyone else was.
So, when it was finally fennec fox's turn, there was all this "cute" left over. So fennec said, "hey, diety, what's going to happen with all that leftover cute?"
And deity said, "oh, i'm just gonna throw it out. if cute doesn't get used, it goes bad really quickly and stinks something awful."
"Really?" said fennec, "can I have it, then?"
"Hell, no!" said the deity. "Are you nuts? You would be TOO cute. It would be DANGEROUS how cute you would be."
But then later, when the deity wasn't looking, that sneaky fox stole all of the remaining cute out of the deity's garbage.
And that's how fennec fox came to be the very cutest of all the animals.
p.s. here's a realmedia movie about fennec fox for all you people on fast-ish connections.
p.p.s. great fennec fox site which, i'm calling it great because the pictures are great, although, to be honest with you, i didn't read a word of it. click the "breeding" link to see one decaf double-espresso soy latte with fennec fox.
while we're on the subject of cute animals, did i ever tell you the story about naki usagi?
the day after fennec fox got all that extra cute, there was a wedding at his enormous estate. Naki usagi was there and he dropped in on fennec fox in his den.
Naki usagi was commenting on how lucky fennec was to get so much cute, and because fennec was such a grandiose fellow, he said, "you know what, naki usagi? i think i probably have more than i can use. why don't you take some?"
and naki usagi was overwhelmed with gratitude. "thank you sooo much, fennec," he said.
"oh," fennec beamed, putting his fingertips together, as he leaned forward in his enormous overstuffed leather chair, "don't mention it. it's nothing, really. but," and here fennec leaned in even closer, "there may come a day when i need a favor from you. it could be tomorrow. it could be ten years from now. and when that day comes, just remember who your friends are."
At that, naki usagi backed out of the room, thanking fennec fox for his generosity.
and fennec leaned back and thought to himself, "in a way, the deity's warning has come to pass. i AM so cute that it's dangerous."
i love bad art, but it's too bad that they call it that. i mean, it seems like it would be so much more fun if they labeled it as a new movement, even if that movement was Baddism (from the "Color Me Badd" school?) and just accepted the art as it is.
oh, unless maybe they're redefining "bad" as something that's not necessarily negative--in which case, way to go badart.com! And whatever the case, thank you for putting this wonderful art out there for us.
|PLEASE READ THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF USE CAREFULLY BEFORE USING THIS SITE.
the site celebrating the new (in the US anyway) Puffy album, Spike. Oh, and I guess because of that P. Diddy Puffy Puff Daddy Diddy Daddy Puff guy, they have to call themselves PuffyAmiYumi here, which I dunno--seems like a mouthful to American audiences.
anyway, check out the site, hear the clips. read the bio. prepare for the invasion?
also, here's the video to Boogie Woogie #5 in asx format. Is it Mambo #5? Is it a Gap ad? No, no, it's just Puffy's least-engaging video ever. But still, it's 100% Puffy and therefore 100% fun, whatever that means.
(Way big thanks to Eric for the video link.)
also, i just bought this album (used! hot damn!) and it's way good. i was afraid it was gonna suck, but they're still exploring new ground musically (for themselves as a band, not for music, itself). new stuff to mimic. It put me in a really good mood to hear Ami and Yumi's voices singing new, high-calibre derivative pop music.
p.s. Track 6 has 2 very bad sax solos. (A joke? Hard to say.) Otherwise, the album's tight. TIGHT!
videos clip from dustin diamond teaches chess
wow, scooch your butt down into your seat because you're about to get a great big treat--video clips of the aforementioned Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess video.
from thegamester.com. Visit their front page just to see the photo of D. Diamond as a pensive chess master.
That the Gamester's biggest product is this crappy chess-training video somehow induces in me a state of melancholia. Likewise, that there are people fulfilling orders for this thing. And that there are mothers out there, purchasing it for their chess-fanatic sons and daughters. That there's a nursing home somewhere where this DDTC is the Wednesday night after-dinner movie. Etc. This video is responsible for some deep and dismal sadness in the world.
[hey, thanks for going the extra mile, hunting down the footage, Mr. Andrew.]
4 ko ma mippy
i dunno. a quick hit. see stuffed miffy dolls run.
Robert Goulet's art
is weird. What is he trying to tell us?
And here's a comic strip by Goulet. It's weird as well. Is he referencing Taxi Driver in this? Does he understand anything about the narrative structure of comic strips, or humor, or anything for that matter? Will someone please send Mr. Goulet a copy of "Understanding Comics" before he draws anything else.
Please also note that the entire Robert Goulet site is pretty goddamned wonderful. For example, look at the four pictures of Goulet on this page. Did you look? Good, now you can die happy.
(Er, not that you're about to die. I mean, look at you. You're healthy as an ox! No, not you, Mr. Goulet, although I'm sure you're also quite fit.)
[Thanks much, Scout.]
MUST SEE HIDEOUS BABY
it's an ebay auction. and i'm not saying that you must see it; that's the seller's assertion. i will say that, yes, it is one hideous baby.
i also like the idea that maybe "MUST SEE HIDEOUS BABY" is a note to oneself hastily scribbled among a list of other "to-do" items.
alchoholic... infirm... who knows what this little fella's tragic tale is, but 2 things can be certain:
1. he looks like mr. maggoo. in tongue-twister format, i might say this: if a morose mr. maggoo lost his battle with the bottle he might become this bitter little baby.
2. i looked at him while listening to "The Twist" by Chubby Checker and in rhythm, i clicked between the 2 photos of him and that was entertaining (to me) for almost the entire length of the song (which is approximately two minutes and thirty seconds).
[thank ye, jane.]
punk rock in indiana
lots of album pictures here, which rules, of course.
This band called The Gizmos has the best logo (like the Thermos logo meets the KISS logo). And also they have a song called, "Give Me Back my Foreskin." You do the math and I think you'll realize that, Gizmos = hilarious.
Next up, more great band names: Gynecologists, Dow Jones and the Industrials, Latex Novelties, etc.
¡Viva la Hoosier state! ¡Viva la musica punk!
oh yeah, also, i almost forgot: more punk goodness organized by state can be found at collectorscum.com.
Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess
"A critic's responsibility is to review things with a critical eye. But by its very nature a review cannot be done objectively. Biases exist in all things. And so we begin with disclosures:
Disclosure the First: In the third grade I lost in the first round of my class's chess tournament to a guy named Heath.
Disclosure the Second: In college I successfully defended an honors thesis putting Saved By The Bell in a Shakespearan context.
Disclosure the Third: Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess is approximately 18 minutes longer than Gone With the Wind...."
Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap
and most especially check out the pdfs of the crazy labels if you don't mind dealing with pdfs which are kind of cool, but somehow also always a pain.
one thou5and flowers w!ll bloom
this is neat!
i'm sure you don't care about this, but i've found that i've started saying "neat" a lot. i think maybe i first started doing it in an ironic way, which is how those things begin, i guess. then i got used to saying it--well, you know the rest.
the Inner-ring Line Overpass of Shanghai
it probably isn't nearly as exciting as a visit to the inner-ring line overpass, in person. but you do get to see pictures and read for yourself about the isolated protecting balustrade, the anti-collided wall, and the optoelectric indication system.
tv go home
it's all funny. you'll bust a gut, i betcha. i can barely even pick an example because it's all so good. (i just re-read what i wrote and it sounds sarcastic, but it's not.)
here's an excerpt, chosen more or less at random:
"WATCH A REAL WAR
from a glass-bottomed helicopter
More realistic than DVD"
smart british-isles-ish humor, but don't let that stop you from clicking that link, cap'n!
oh, and even their submissions guidelines rule. i mean, if misterpants dot com had a submissions policy, pretty much this would be it.
Charles Napier is the mackin'est mack to ever mack a mack!
I'm totally sincere about that compliment, and not just saying it to get him to send me a free autographed photo, which i want him to do.
also, the gallery is great. great! GREAT!
(tangent which is perhaps of interest: how would you feel about being an actor typecast as an alien? is it like this: "who's going to play the alien this time?" "oh me, me, ME!" "Aaaalright, okay. No one else? Okay. Bill will be the alien again.")
hey, i'd like to draw your attention to the GIF at the bottom of the page.
Basically, what we have here is a mailbox vomiting the word "e-mail" and what looks like a chinchilla getting out of the way. Perhaps it is occurring to you, the reader, as it has occurred to the author, that this is one whacked out image.
Certainly, I mean no disrespect to Mr. Chuck, but one wonders why he might have chosen such a strikingly unusual mailbox/email animation when there are so many to choose from--from the classic letter folding itself up into the envelope to the striking letter flying into the big blue mailbox.
Also, Guitar Chuck is selling this bad-ass Cowboy Guitar.
[what if i didn't thank andrew for the guitar URL, would he hate me, do you think?]
crappy trailer for that crappy movie is still crappy with japanese subtitles, but is interesting because the fact that this trailer in Japanese exists shows that someone at Disney thinks that Japanese people will pay to see a nauseatingly patriotic American film in which the enemy is Japan.
Even funnier: several someones at Disney were stupid enough to say, "yeah, go ahead and make this movie."
And funniest of all: those people are probably all still working at Disney and will "green light" other equally ass-stupid projects.
i was in a grocery store the other day (buying fruit, if you must know), and someone announced on the loudspeaker, "ET. Phone home, please. ET."
I got all excited and looked around, knowing that ET must be there in that very store! (Stocking up on Reese's pieces?) Here's the weird thing, though: no one else reacted AT ALL to this announcement.
Doesn't everyone want to meet ET? I mean, he seems nice. What the hell?
Anyway, as celebrity sightings go, this one will have to be filed under, "near miss."
|new game: "no-merge" or "backlash"
i went down to LA and on my way back i came up with this idea for a new game. i think i might call the game "no-merge" or maybe "backlash." The deal is: everyone gets to merge. Everyone, that is, except SUVs. If you want to merge and you're driving an SUV, I speed up and block your attempt!
oooh, i'm a meeeean hombré. yessir!
I'd like it if everyone could start to play this game. We can all work to make the world a better place by keeping SUV drivers miserable! it's awesome.
i know, i know. there are some otherwise good people who drive SUVs for their own reasons--insecurities, hyper-susceptibility to image advertising and whatnot. And maybe it's too bad that they also get punished by this petty behavior--but it's all part of the game.
Is it selfish and rude to block SUV drivers trying to merge? Yes! But no more selfish and rude than driving one of those gas-guzzling pieces of crap.
A sub-game is to also speed up for the people driving erratically who are on cell phones. And just the erratic ones, I figure. If you can talk on the phone while driving and you can handle it, good for you. If you can't, then you don't get to merge.
Okay, let the backlash begin!
hey, would you all like to see my imitation of a sea beast rising from the deep?
okay, here goes:
also, here's my sea beast theme song which is to be sung to the tune of The Dukes of Hazzard:
just a mighty sea beast
never tryin' a be bad.
just a-risin' from the deep
because he couldn't sleep.
kinda looks like your dad.
now, here's where you say, "watch that mister pants! he's gonna be a regular Weird Al some day."
and then i glower at you.
but i don't say anything.
and i ignore you for the next hour, until you ask me what's wrong. and i say, "nothing. why? why would you think something's wrong? god! what is wrong with YOU that you're always asking ME what's wrong!? get off my back already! jeez!"
supposed to be against keeping rabbits as pets, but looks like it's against young gabriella. oh wait, did i just give it away and ruin it? okay, well, here's another, anti-Victoria.
[many thanks, Mr. Scout. Mr. Scout is auctioning off his personal hatred. See below--the entry after next.]
Matthew Offenbacher's star wars watercolors
hooray for star wars! hooray for watercolors! hooray for star wars watercolors!
oh yeah, and hooray for Matthew Offenbacher!
[from Tricia, thanks! hooray for you.]
My Personal Hatred
whimsical ebay auction.
" Highest Bidder recieves the utmost of contempt from the seller.... I will consider you with bitterness and resentment. When I am faced with the acceptance of any failure in my life- be it in my career or my personal life, I will consider you to blame."
album cover art by CRAIG HARRISON
The suburbs are def.
[again, thx, josé]
|netscape 6 for macintosh
this has probably already been said by a ton of other people, but what a piece of crap!
That is, it's exactly what I wanted a fully W3C compliant browser that crashes every 5 minutes.
On a Mac, it was next to impossible to even install!
|05.24.01||Rare Air - Space Piper
bagpipes in space. tartan proudly blowing in the space wind.
big bad chinese mama
this site rules. the unattributed quote on the front page accurately describes it as "THE #1 MOCK MAIL ORDER BRIDE/ ASIAN PORN SPOOF SITE IN THE WORLD!"
please check out the prank phone calls to mail order bride businesses and massage parlors. pretty good pranks.
Pranks that challenge the existing power structure are better than pranks that enforce it.
also please admire the t-shirts, especially Item 003, the "I find you Oriental people so fascinating..." T-shirt.
[thank you, José. Rock!]
john west salmon ad
pretty good ad. on adcritic. and like evey other ad on tv right now (and since the superbowl) it features a bear.
what's up with all the bears? We've got to find a way to exorcise these bear demons that haunt our collective brain.
working for change dot com
Great lefty politics/news portal website. Brought to you by Working Assets, the phone company that you can feel mostly good about giving money to.
Plus if you're one of those people who doesn't despise weblogs, the left column features a fun political weblog, updated thrice weekly--called Twenty Clicks.
|Mister not-updating-for-over-a-week pants.
Where have i been?
i have been having transformative experiences. oh yes! i entered these life-changing experiences as a little green caterpillar. but i will emerge from the cocoon as the most sublimely beautiful butterfly you've ever seen in your life.
just you watch! i will flutter by you and gently touch down on the petal of a daisy. you'll exclaim, "what an elegant creature!" and i'll look up at you and say, "It's me, old friend. It's me, mister pants!"
But you won't hear me because the wind, in its dispassionate way, will tear my butterfly voice from my mouth. the sound of my words will never reach your ears.
You'll eye me eagerly and i'll see the gleam; and I'll know in a flash that you hope to own my beauty.
Will you never learn? You can't hold a rainbow! You can't invoke partisanship from the wind! And you can't contain the glory of the mister pants butterfly.
You'll swing your butterfly net at me, hoping to catch me, hoping to stick a pin through me, hoping to make me yet another specimen in your sick collection.
Luckily, the wind, again evidencing its neutrality, will this time aid me in my efforts to avoid capture. And you will become even more familiar with that wind--as it is the only thing that your net will seize upon, as I soar beyond your reach.
[more on butterflies, here:
and here: butterfly snaps!]
weird and beautiful flash animations, starring a magic robot. watching them is like being in a dream. you'll like them, i'll bet.
[oh, and thanks Steev. i forgot to say that before.]
KZND - The End
commercial pirate radio. kind of interesting. KZND, in Anchorage, doesn't have a radio license, but has a TV license for channel 6, which happens to broadcast at 87.7 FM. So, they get around radio wattage restrictions. It's an unchallenged FCC loophole. The disappointing thing is that they just play your standard top 40 alt-rock stuff.
You can listen to them through this windows media player stream.
And you can read more about them, in this here article.
Life Savehair mats
An Alabama hair salon owner has patented a method for cleaning up oil spills by using recycled human hair clippings.
And you can help protect marine life by going door to door, collecting hair.
Ha, not really, but the first part is true.
morning musume credit cards
history of olympic mascots
Jenny Jones on Press Your Luck
Jenny Jones (aka Jennie Jones--can we just call her JeJo?) looks even crazier than usual here.
You won big on Press Your Luck-- but on your show, you're still a schmuck.
[via 50 cups.]
brief history of the walkman
from an Indian travel site.
go into a store that has a color photocopier. and first ask if they have a color copier. then ask if it's good quality and ask about paper sizes and stuff. then ask if it's okay if you take off your pants in their store.