Give me an idea of approximately how fancy I'm expected to be and I will make the utmost effort to meet or surpass that level of fanciness.

Defamer: Tom Cruise watch
With nothing to promote at the moment, Tom Cruise is presumably back to just being insane in private. But wasn't that fun, a little while ago, watching him implode and explode at the same time?

I'll bet if you read his e-meter, it's probably always pegged at 'super crazy.'

(That joke is too easy. I'll bet over 1000 people have already made the Tom Cruise e-meter = crazy joke. I promise that someday I will spend an entire afternoon working on a better Tom Cruise e-meter joke.)*

*Actually I won't.

The whole thing was like watching a train wreck and then watching that train back up and wreck again. And then again. And again.

And the bad acting Scientological fakey-love part was just fantastic.

Anyway, to get my TC fix a while back, I was checking out this page on the Defamer almost daily. I'm hoping it will get fun again either when "Mission: Impossible 3" comes out or when his career is declared dead and he has to attempt a resuscitory press tour. Ghillie suits
Ghillie suits make you look sort of like a bigfoot. With a gun.

Also Bigfoot with a Gun would be a great album title. Or comic. Or humorous horror movie.

"Oh my God, it's bigfoot. And he's got a gun!"

That makes me wonder: what is the funniest thing that bigfoot could carry? An oversized lollipop? An 80s jambox? How about a deflated Bozo the Clown punching bag--and bigfoot is crying? Maybe a Starbucks grande latte and a copy of the Wall Street Journal--and he's got reading glasses on but is otherwise naked. (Well, you know, fur-covered.)

I can't decide. Thinking of bigfoot with that lollipop makes me laugh out loud, though. Wonderful.

[Thanks, Joel.] Time Traveler Convention
If you can invent a time machine, then you didn't miss the Time Traveler Convention.

[Thanks, Zobrax] regrettheerror.com
Fascinating retraction blog:

Regret The Error reports on corrections, retractions, clarifications and trends regarding accuracy and honesty in the media.

[Thanks, Chisato.]
I seriously did have a baby

A few people have written to say something like, "if you really did have a baby, then congratulations." I did actually have a baby. Not me, myself, because I am a boy, but you understand how these things work.

My baby is a little girl named Mika. She is two months old and awesome. Of course. She already knows a great deal about bigfoot.